The Big Little Merman
by nyxfurywrites
Summary: Draco Malfoy suddenly finds himself thrust as the leading man in the gender bended wizard play adaptation of a muggle story, The Little Mermaid. How did it come to be this way and who's slated to play the female lead? (Hint: Hermione)


_I'm a…Merman? _

Draco stared in disbelief at the letter that arrived from the Ministry's HR Department. Skimming it repeatedly, his eyes kept refocusing on the words _"you're being cast as Prince Ariel the Little Merman"_and "_performing live in a theatre production for the Ministry's Christmas Charity Spectacular"_.

He blinked once, blinked twice, hoping to have misread what it said. He desperately wanted to believe that this was all a nightmare and that he'll be waking from it soon. Anytime now.

_Hello Merlin, mercy?_ He silently pleaded to no one.

"It can't be that bad…can it?" echoed Finnigans' apprehensive voice from the other half of their shared office.

A feeling of dread decided to settle in the pit of his stomach. Quirking an eyebrow, Draco gestured to Finnigans' own unopened missive, encouraging him to read for himself.

Just as the brunette reached for his letter, the door suddenly opened with a loud 'bang!' followed by the entrance of Blaise Zabini.

"Merlin, what were those bloody idiots thinking!", Blaised declared, flailing his own letter in the air.

"I would rather hand in my resignation than play along with this. Pun intended."he scoffed, unceremoniously plopping himself down in the vacant seat provided for clients in front of Draco's desk.

"Yes, well. You and everyone else in the team I presume", Draco replied coolly, rubbing his temples in an attempt to ease the growing ache in his head. The intensity is slowly escalating itself to a migraine.

"I assume you've already read the ridiculous list they've required of us."sneered Blaise, arms crossed. "Thoughts?" he asked, slumping himself gradually in the uncomfortable chair, obviously devastated by their predicament. It was a rare sight seeing Blaise so uncomposed in public.

Which also, in Blaise lingo, translated to: _How do we fucking get away from this?_

Draco shrugged. He had a few ideas but none that would let them get away unscathed. The stipulations were airtight. Blaise knew that, thus his miserable state.

A glance at the suddenly very quiet and pale Finnigan staring at his own missive was clear indication of the distress they're all currently in. Specifically the three people currently in the room.

"We'll find a loophole, bring it up to Potter, and deal with it."He sighed defeatedly, already having decided that it would be more pragmatic to focus on completing his remaining case files for the day. He'll worry about dealing with the situation afterwards.

Poised to continue the discussion, Blaise was interrupted by three knocks and Harry Potter's head (also currently Auror Department's head) popping in the half way opened door.

_Well, speak of the devil and he shall come._Draco thought amusedly.

"Oh, good. Great. Zabini, you're here as well." Potter grinned widely, remaining at the door with only his head visible.

"Just wanted to quickly pop in to inform everyone that I will be receiving no resignations and complaints about HR's letter. The letter is final and has already been sent to press."he chortled.

"To further circumvent any future protests, I'll have you reminded that your team was 'volunteered' to represent the Auror Department after losing the last Quidditch pick up match. As Head of the Department, I thank you for your service. Have a great day!", he cheerily announced and left as quickly as he came.

"How can resignation be off the table!? We don't even need a job!" exclaimed Blaise in all his indignant glory.

"Speak for yourself." piped in Finnigan, finally snapping out of his focused trance. "It's not like you lost the game alone." he glared at Zabini and Malfoy.

"No, Malfoy lost it all alone for us when he failed to catch the snitch before Harry did."deadpanned Weasley, quietly letting himself in and sitting his sulking self in front of Seamus' desk, eyeing Draco meaningfully.

_Who knew he'd be a sneaky bastard?_ Draco wondered, startled at Ron Weasley's stealth entrance but not surprised. They were Aurors after all.

"There's no 'i' in team, Weasley. It was a lost cause to begin with. We were doomed to fail."sighed Draco as he surmised that his productivity for the day just shutdown as his teammates - not by choice - wallowed in misery around him.

No other person more than Draco Malfoy felt the gravity of how doomed to fail they were that day. Spotting the snitch 50 minutes into the game with Potter at the opposite end of the pitch, he was suddenly distracted by a vision of white.

The moment Hermione Granger showed up in her white sundress, he unexpectedly felt attacked by an onslaught of unfiltered…feelings. It wasn't like it was the first time he saw Granger in years. But there she was and all he felt compelled to do was stare.

Not long after, Potter caught the snitch right under his nose and before he knew it, the game was over.

Closing the case files on his desk, he released another heavy sigh. The feelings of dread dissipated and only defeated acceptance remained.

"Suppose we could all use a drink then." he suggested as the hour hand indicated ten more minutes to six in the evening.

"I can only take so much of three grown men sulking before I hex one of you.", he grumbled. Ten more minutes and they could drag their sorry arses to the Leaky Cauldron for a few drinks to soothe their egos and prepare them for the worst.

Only unbeknown to them, the worst is yet to come.


End file.
